I’ve always “looked” different from those around me. Since I was born, I was diagnosed with severe eczema that causes cuts and scars on my legs. I never thought anything of it until I had dance teachers, school teachers, and friends always questioning me whenever my legs were exposed. I quickly learned that my legs were not the definition of “normal” and began to hide them anytime I was outside of my house. I would wear long pants as much as I could or wear tights for dance shows and competitions. I was never envious of other girls for their hair or parts of their body until people began to point out my differences. I have wild curly hair, which I’ve always liked except for the frizz. I have a larger lower body so I had to buy different clothes than my girlfriends. I was envious of other girls legs. Fast forward to my high school years, I began developing stretch marks on my thighs from being a competitive dancer. Instead of loving them for allowing me to dance, I was ashamed and wanted to hide the looks of them. I never considered myself to fall in the societal standard of beautiful.
Aside from the physical differences, I also had emotional and mental differences from those around me. I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 5. From a traumatic accident, to being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, to becoming a survivor of sexual assault. I felt like once again I was an outsider because of my life experiences and needing some help to overcome them. There have been times where I’ve looked at these parts of me as “ugly”, “broken”, “not good enough”, and “imperfect”. There have been times where I celebrate and recognize that these parts do not define me, they are just another part of ALL of my amazing attributes that make me, me. I’ve worked really hard in the past to love myself and have confidence and I truly had it for awhile. The past year, due to medication changes, I’ve gained weight and added some more stretch marks on my legs and booty to my previous collection. I have struggled to love myself. I’ve been working hard over the last two years to gain confidence, ownership, and appreciation for my sexuality, my body, and my mind.
I started therapy again, reading books, and asking for help from other experts around me. I began to hear about boudoir and just fell in love with the art. I started searching around and couldn’t find a photographer whose style and work that I loved. Whitney’s page came across on TikTok and I immediately said to myself, “one day, when I am ready, I am going to see her!” Whitney posted in her Facebook group for people to apply for a “boudie call”. I thought, “I doubt I’ll be selected but what do I have to lose?”. A couple days later I received an email that I was selected….I am not kidding when I say I cried tears of happiness. I am always down for something new, different, and an experience so I said “ It looks like I’m coming to Tennessee to see her!” The whole experience was surreal…I felt like I was living a dream. The photo reveal left me speechless. I have no idea how Whitney does it but she is truly magical. The crazy thing is, that’s what others see when they see us, every time. Why is it so hard for us to realize that we are that beautiful, sexy, powerful, and confident ALL OF THE TIME?! I looked at those photos and was in shock. I couldn’t believe that was me. I realized I am all of these things, all of the time. I truly felt and still feel so empowered and like confident badass! The parts that I’ve been insecure about (my thighs and booty, my stretch marks, my cuts and scars), ended up being what I loved most in the photos. I’ve needed that little something extra to boost my confidence and the power that I hold and I definitely received that. For so long, I looked that these parts of myself as bad and I let them define and control me. Not anymore though! I did this for me and I don’t regret a single second of it. I will cherish this forever. I couldn’t be more grateful to Cassidy for making it happen, Tabbatha for making me look like a goddess, and Whitney for all of the memories, magic, and beauty that she created and captured. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
